Running - Why am I doing this?

As a child, I have never been good at sports or been very competitive. To this day I'm not a very competitive person (maybe only a little bit). I have gotten better in sports or let's say I found the sports I like. That's the gym, weight exercises, cross trainer and walking, that's just my thing. There is another sport I do on a regular (well I try) basis, but I don't love it or maybe I do, after all I try to do it every Saturday. It's RUNNING. I think it's fair to say I have a love hate relationships with running. Most Saturday mornings I try to take part in parkrun. I don't consider myself a runner, I'm not fast and not passionate about running, I'm a shuffler. A bit of running, a jog and walk. Let's be honest more walking than running most of the times. I know it's not the fitness, which is holding me back to run. It's my mind, while I'm running there is all this negative talk going on in my mind.

Running to me is such a mind game. All these thoughts going through my head of not being good enough, I'm no runner, I'm at the wrong place etc. For some reason I'm not able to silence this negative talk in my head and instead of proofing it wrong and push through I tend to give in that negativity (and start walking). Afterwards I feel great and a sense of achievement, because regardless of the time or placing, I did something for myself in the beautiful outdoors and a great community. Although there have been times I was in tears after finishing, because I was so disappointed in myself, for example when I did my first run with the pram and I came last. What happened to the fit person I used to be? I shouldn't run, I'm no runner. I was so disappointed and I didn't go back for months. I was very hard on myself, which I guess shows the love hate relationship I have with running. One time I care, the other I don't. I love the parkrun community as it doesn't matter if you run, shuffle or walk or how fit you are. Everyone is just happy that you are there and giving it a go.

The only person you compete against is YOU. This means you always win, because every time you are moving you are doing something, instead of sitting on the sofa and doing nothing. I did my 50th parkrun before I got pregnant and it was such a great feeling, however I had moments where I felt I didn't deserve it, because I'm no runner. One thing I know for sure that if I make it to my 100th parkrun I will enjoy every single minute of it, no matter how fast I go, no matter if I run or shuffle my way through. I will try and shut up this negativity once and for all. It doesn't matter, that I'm at the back of the pack, it doesn't matter that I shuffle my way through. I'm no Usain Bolt, but I'm out there doing something. I'm doing something for me and I'm showing my little boy that moving is better than just sitting on the sofa. And maybe, just maybe one day I can wholeheartedly say I LOVE RUNNING.

Today: 10/12/2016 I have just completed my 70th Parkrun with a new Pram PB of 39.37. I'm so proud of this time. I only run parkrun and only if the weather is nice, as I have my little boy with me. Since having my little boy I haven't done one parkrun without the pram. So I'm stocked about that time.

Feel free to join me on my journey to my 100th parkrun. I'm happy to walk and shuffle the 5km with you. Or cheer you on while you run it all the way.

Let operation 100th parkrun begin.

#fitness #Running #personaltraining

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